Ask Janice: How do I get over my dentist phobia and guilt of cheating

I was a very happy guy during lockdown because I couldn’t get an appointment, but after a recent visit, I am devastated to be told that I need six fillings.

I dread my appointment and already feel sick and anxious every single minute I think about it and I’ve no idea how I will get through my treatment.

My friend said she will come with me, and suggest I ask the doctor for diazepam to calm my nerves, but I am not even sure if that will work. Jack.

Dear Jack, 50% of us experience anxiety ahead of visiting the dentist, so you are not alone with these feelings of dentistry dread.

The very mention of words like ‘root canal’ or ‘extractions’ and we automatically associate this with pain. However, new technology and anaesthesia can make your visit painless, comfortable and less stressed.

Firstly, you need to chat to your dentist ahead of your appointment and explain your feelings as there are many ways in which he/she can allay your fears.

Practise breathing and relaxing techniques to calm your nerves, take headphones and play music to relax and drown out nerve-racking noises, and agree a signal with your dentist in case you need to stop at any point.

Nowadays dentists use numbing gels before you are given injections, so your treatment should be pain free.

But if your phobia is so severe, then attending a sedation clinic might be the answer to your problem.

Also, hypnotherapy and neurolinguistic programming are options too.

Jack, avoiding dental treatment can lead to serious and irreversible damage, so it’s wise to address these lifelong issues before it’s too late.

I really do wish you luck.

Dear Janice, I am riddled with guilt after snogging one of the girls in our group whilst on a 30th birthday party weekend in Benidorm.

We had quite a few drinks then one thing led to another and next minute we were all over each other.

We never mentioned it the next day and luckily none of the others knew what had happened.

I am married, so the guilt and worry are keeping me awake at night, and my stomach flutters with nerves every time it flashes into my head.

She has text me a couple of times to ask how I am doing, but I have ignored her.

Why can’t I just forget about it and move on? LL.

Dear LL,

perhaps deep down you don’t want to forget about it and move on! Perhaps your tummy flutters with excitement because you enjoyed it.

Only you will know.

However, this experience is new, therefore your emotions and thoughts will be all over the place, because let’s not forget you are married.

There really are only two choices here. You meet up again to see if this holiday smooch was anything more than that.

If it is, and you want to take things further, then be very aware of what you risk losing if your affair is exposed.

And don’t imagine that you would never get caught because chances are you would.

If you feel bad now, how on earth would you feel following an affair?

Or simply put this to the back of your head as though it never happened. Whatever happened in Benidorm ... and all that.

I don’t condone what you did, but on the scale of infidelities, a same sex smooch isn’t the worst thing in the world to have happened.

Your choice, you either open Pandora’s Box and live with the consequences or put this dalliance down to experience and move on.

Dear Janice, my husband was recently diagnosed with diabetes, and he just won’t listen or pay any heed to the advice he was given about his diet and lifestyle.

We had a massive argument the other night when he called me all sorts and said he was sick and tired of being bloody nagged!

But how can I sit back and watch his life deteriorate in front of my eyes and do nothing about it?

Our children have also tried but were given a lecture about minding their own business. I am really worried. June.

Dear June, I imagine your husband is completely overwhelmed with this new diagnosis which he now has to process and change his lifestyle.

Your doctor has no doubt explained which type of diabetes he has, what the concerns are, and how and why he must make these changes, and that if left untreated diabetes can lead to many other health problems.

You can worry and nag every day of your life, but if he refuses to change then I suggest you seek help.

Contact diabetes.org.uk. You have as much to learn as he does, therefore it is advisable that you sign up for a membership too.

It offers support and help on everything related to diabetes, eg how to manage it, lots of food hacks, local support groups, as well as chatting to trained advisors.

So, all in all, it’s a great place to start, and once your husband begins to accept his condition and interact with others in a similar situation, he may well begin to help himself, which will no doubt be a huge weight off your shoulders.