LET’S begin with a scene from the first Naked Gun movie because why not. After crashing into two vehicles, one of which had been carrying a rocket, a fleeing suspect then smashes his way through the wall of Feldman Fireworks factory. As you might expect, the place went up in flames and then some.
Fireworks screeched into the sky and workers fled for their lives. Thankfully, a policeman was on hand to handle this terrifying and, it must be said, spectacular sight.
“Nothing to see here, move on,” Lieutenant Frank Drebin of the Los Angeles Police Squad told the crowd of gobsmacked onlookers as the world blew up just behind him.
This is what the SPFL want right now. They have asked us all to move along, to look forward instead of standing about after Rangers’ big plan was defeated on Tuesday, as everyone knew it would be.
If only it were that easy.
Neil Doncaster wants lines drawn in the sand, buds to be nipped and olive branches accepted. He is right, to an extent. Time is ticking. There is no concrete plan regarding when our game is going to return and what state it will be in when it does.
But the SPFL shouldn’t get off that lightly. And they are not the only ones.
Rangers are kicking up a stink primarily as a pointless show for their supporters who know that one day soon Celtic are going to be awarded the Premiership title which takes them a huge step closer to 10 in a row.
Celtic have got better players and more money than their old chums. Even if Odsonne Edouard gets sold, they are streets ahead of the rest. Football is unpredictable. It is one of the major reasons I love the game. However, 10 in a row is close to a formality and the Ibrox board know it.
But here’s a thing. While Rangers’ dossier was, as predicted, nowhere near as revelatory as the club said it would be, that’s not to say they were not correct to ask for an independent inquiry into the SPFL’s handling of the Covid-19 crisis.
Too many questions remain unanswered – or at best not answered clearly enough. There have been so many accusations not backed by anything much, although many who have been accused of wrong-doing.
And I would welcome Donald Findlay to lead the way.
There will be some, mostly Celtic supporters, who wouldn’t want the former Rangers vice-chairman anywhere near such an inquiry but while I am not a fan of everything this country’s most famous QC has done, this is a fiercely intelligent man who would lead any inquiry with dignity and a clear head – two traits sadly lacking in our game.
But I wouldn’t stop at the SPFL. If we are to have an independent inquiry, let’s put all the clubs under the microscope.
If you have nothing to hide you have nothing to fear. If someone has been lying through their teeth, they need exposed.
What did Rangers interim chairman Douglas Park actually say to Neil Doncaster on that Friday night during a phone call? What was the evidence Rangers believe would have seen Doncaster and SPFL legal adviser Rod McKenzie lose their jobs? Because so far we’ve seen nothing to suggest they did anything which deserved the sack.
Who bullied whom? Come on, let’s get that out in the open. Doncaster said that no club had formally made a complaint.
What are Inverness Caledonian Thistle up to? Did they, as was reported and backed by six Championship clubs, move for the season to be declared null and void? The Highland club look weak right now. This must be cleared up.
There are a lot of accusations being thrown at Inverness chief executive Scot Gardiner. If he is innocent, if what he says is true and he didn’t try to push null and void, then he must be vindicated by an inquiry.
Morton chief executive Dave McKinnon was happy to go on record and back the claims against Gardiner. Again, those not telling porkies should not fear talking to someone such as Findlay.
My take is that most clubs would welcome such an inquiry. They didn’t back Rangers – well 13 did – because it was Rangers. The Ibrox club are not popular, let’s be honest, within Scottish football. I get that, however, a lot of what they have been saying is legitimate and ought to be addressed.
The SPFL is flawed but is nowhere near as badly run as so many make out. Their biggest problem is that too many of their member clubs don’t seem to be run by adults. Instead, board members go down the populist route knowing there will always be a section of their support who will back whatever they say and do – even if it’s a complete waste of time.
Oh, and does SPFL chairman Murdoch Maclennan really hate Rangers? This appeared in Private Eye and the former newspaper executive still hasn’t denied the story; an easy tale to dismiss if it’s fantasy.
What we do know is that fibs have been told, half truths made out to be fact and it’s been an embarrassment. Yes, we do need to move forward but to do that there cannot be a situation wherein those who have behaved badly are allowed to continue having any influence on Scottish football.
As Lieutenant Drebin himself said: “The truth hurts, doesn’t it? Oh sure, maybe not as much as jumping on a bicycle with the seat missing, but it hurts.”
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