I can put up with most things, but my partner has some really disgusting habits causing my stress levels to rise the minute I step in the front door. He leaves dirty dishes and empty snack packets everywhere, and the latest is toenail clippings in our bed! I can’t live like this anymore. Help. Jason.
Jason, most people try to address issues like this whilst inside their tension is building up to a Mount Vesuvius eruption.
I erupted at my now ex for yet again leaving toenail clippings everywhere. Weeks later I sat down to enjoy a glass of wine and tipped the dregs of my favourite cheese’n’onion crisps into my mouth, only to discover the dregs of my crisps were actually his manky toenail clippings. Well, they came flying back out of my mouth faster than bullets from an AK47 and all hell broke loose. (Apparently it was my fault for asking him to tidy them up!)
So, Jason, I do sympathise, but before you erupt, sit down with your partner and begin positively focussing on his good points and say how much you love being with him, but that some habits are just not acceptable. If he makes no attempt to change, well... do you want to live a life of nagging, tension, stress and toenails?
My boyfriend is pushing me to send him naked pictures of myself and promises no one else will ever see them. We’ve only been together a few months but due to lockdown we haven’t spent much time together. He says this is one way to still be close to each other. I don’t want to be a prude but am nervous about the whole thing. Anon.
The very fact that you are questioning his request tells me how uncomfortable you are which in no way makes you a prude.
This is not a way to get close, this is a sure-fire way to cause you worry and distress knowing that any pictures you send could be out there forever.
Trust me, once you send pictures you’ve lost control of them, they could crop up anywhere, any time, and impact your life forever, even when you thought you were settled and happy years down the line.
There are laws in place now to protect people against such exposure, but this is a bit like closing the stable door once the horse has bolted.
Revenge porn is on the rise, so stand tall and tell him in no uncertain terms how you feel and that perhaps you should “run this past your dad first” and see what his reaction is. If he is a decent guy and genuinely likes you, he will agree and drop the subject.
I had been dating a lovely lady for 10 months when lockdown happened, and she suggested I move in with her. I wish I could turn back the clock as I now regret this decision. What should I do as I still want a relationship with her? Ian.
I know people who made snap decisions too and are questioning if it was the right thing to do. Maybe it was a knee-jerk call, coupled with your newfound love for your lady, and being in the early throws of any new relationship can cloud emotions.
At present she is in your pandemic bubble so best to stay where you are until rules change. Thereafter, it’s vital to convince your partner that moving into your own space still means your future intentions include her. Perhaps make a commitment in the form of plans when the pandemic restrictions have eased, a weekend away, meeting up with friends, making date nights. The expectation of seeing each other after some time apart is much more exciting than seeing the same old couples’ living arrangement of someone’s boxers thrown in the corner of the bedroom and her leg wax strips sitting next to your toothbrush!
They say absence makes the heart grow fonder Ian, and you might suggest that you will miss her by moving out and that perhaps one day...
And she might reply: “I’ll really miss you too Ian, but I’m so glad I have my own space back!”
My wife is brilliant in almost every way except she won’t cook. I even bought her cook-school vouchers which she gave away and went to the pub instead. How can I get her to do her share of the cooking? Alan.
My colleague Jack was in a similar situation and, like you, Alan, he just wanted his wife to do her fair share of the cooking.
One day he told me he had a text from his wife to say that she was making dinner that night. He was aghast and excited at the same time as this had never happened before. I was curious so next day, I asked him what culinary delights she had served up only for a rather despondent Jack to reply: “A baked potato.”
“Lovely.” I reckoned that was a reasonable first attempt.
“And what did you have with it?”
“Croquettes,” was the monotone answer as he added. “And tonight apparently we’re having fish with fish fingers.”
Now, I have no idea if Jack’s wife did this deliberately, but the point I am making is: Jack had to endure many an unsavoury meal and this is the situation you may well find yourself in. And let’s be honest, if you’ve pushed her into cooking then you are in no position to criticise her substandard offerings. You say she is brilliant in almost every other way, so get your apron back on
Alan and let sleeping dogs lie!
Got a question for our agony aunt? Email askjanice@glasgowtimes.co.uk
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