Dear Janice, is there a general guide as to how many times a week couples should have sex?

My partner reckons we should be doing it at least four times a week, but I think he is being unreasonable.

I’m burnt out most of the time as I have a demanding job so sex is the last thing that springs to mind. He makes me feel like a prude when I say I’m too tired.

Why doesn’t he understand this?

Claire.

 

Dear Claire, think of it like this: the number of times you have sex is like the number of times you do your weekly food shop.  

Some people like to do one big weekly shop, which does take longer, but means you don’t have to do it again for another week.

Other people prefer to dip in and out of the supermarket quickly numerous times a week, which satisfies their needs more often, but in a shorter time.

And some people prefer to shop online (if you know what I mean).

So really, there is no one rule for everyone. Sex and shopping depend on what fits with

your lifestyle.  

Being exhausted with work commitments, children, elderly parents etc doesn’t make anyone a prude. Just tired.  

Talk to your partner and explain how drained you are, and perhaps if he helped you out a little, you’d have more energy for other things.

Work out what suits you BOTH in terms of the time and frequency you have sex. 

After all, if you’ve managed to agree on your shopping routine, sex should be a doddle.

 

Dear Janice, I am 15 but my parents treat me like a 10-year-old.

I think I am reasonably mature and sensible, but they obviously don’t. It is so embarrassing when I’m out with the crowd and have to keep checking in with them.

My pals laugh at me and some of them slag me for it.
When I was at TRNSMT recently, I had to video call them every hour so that they could see I wasn’t drunk, and I got ripped to pieces by my friends. I was so embarrassed.

I’m going away with the crowd for a beach day soon and I’m already dreading the slagging I’ll get, so I think I might just ignore my parents for the day and face them when I get back.

But my best friend said I’d get into so much more trouble if I did.
What can I do to get my parents off my back?

Emma.

 

Dear Emma, for a 15-year-old you have a lot of freedom.

This really isn’t about your parents giving you a hard time, it’s about the hard time you’re getting from your so-called friends.

Likelihood is that some of your friends have parents who don’t really care where they are, what they’re up to, and who they are with, which is why they just don’t “get it”. But that’s not your problem.

Your parents need to know you are safe and keep tabs on you. The fact they have to video call you to make sure you’re not drunk makes me think you’ve been caught out in the past. Compromise. Speak to your mum and dad and offer to put a tracker on your phone so that they know where you are at any given time. Your friends don’t need to know this.

Be grateful you have a mum and dad who care for you. Some don’t.

 

Dear Janice, my boyfriend has a really disgusting habit and it’s putting me off him.

We get on like a house on fire and have even discussed a future together, which I am hopeful of because he is the missing piece in my jigsaw.  

The thing is, he wears a dental plate, which never used to be an issue. Now we’ve been together six months he says he feels so comfortable with me and that it’s good that we can be more relaxed about each other.

So now he takes his dental plate out when we’re eating and sits it on the table right in front of me! It puts me off my food but it’s now seriously putting me off him! 

He laughs and doesn’t see it as an issue, but I can’t find any humour in it at all as it turns my stomach. How can I get him to take this seriously?

Jen.

 

Dear Jen, thank god he doesn’t have a glass eye!

I would be horrified if someone reached into their mouth and put their saliva dripping gnashers next to my cannelloni!

Smelly boxers and socks are one thing, but this kind of personal behaviour is unacceptable. 

How can he think it’s attractive to leave his teeth on the table smiling at you whilst you eat?

You could play tit-for-tat and leave the odd hair extension, false nails or eyelash next to his chicken jalfrezi, but where do you draw the line?

Tell him straight that it not only puts you off your food, but it’s putting you off him too.  
If he ignores you, simply lift your plate, move away from him and enjoy eating on your own.  

Jen, if he is the missing part of your jigsaw then he needs to know how to fit in with your likes and dislikes. Good luck.