Dear Janice, my previous relationships ended when I discovered I had been cheated on, but now I have met a fabulous guy. 

Recently, after a late night out, I ended up back at his flat for the first time and all was great until I got up during the night to use the toilet.

I accidentally stumbled into his spare room, and when I switched the light on, I was horrified to discover three large tanks filled with snakes! I thought I was having a nightmare!

My heart began racing, I was shaking uncontrollably and could barely speak. I got dressed, phoned a taxi, and as I flew out the door, he apologised and said he had no idea I had a snake phobia. He has tried calling me many times since, so I text and said I needed space to get my head around this.

I know for a fact that I can never set foot in his flat again, and how can I ever be close to him knowing these reptiles have slithered all over him? I get ill just thinking about it.

I am so upset because I really like him, and angry that he never thought to mention such a massive thing.

Rox

 

Dear Rox, what is a massive ‘thing’ to you isn’t necessarily a massive issue to anyone else. 

Your phobia is an excessive and debilitating fear which causes you tremendous anxiety.

But it is YOUR phobia, not his.

That said, it has caused a massive rift in an otherwise promising relationship.

Thankfully we don’t come across snakes (the reptile kind) often in this country, so I can imagine how shocked you must have been.

Chances are, he would have mentioned them in the morning, but you beat him to it when you left his bed and went off-piste only to discover them for yourself!

Your imagination is running away with you. Perhaps they are never let out. Perhaps he will be willing to re-home them. Perhaps for the foreseeable he could stay at yours.  

Rox, you didn’t discover a body in his spare room, just pets of his choice, and given that you seem to have met a few slithery characters prior to this lovely guy, surely it is at least worth a chat, because he really has done nothing wrong. 

 

Dear Janice, I dated a man who had just come out of a very long and unhappy marriage. Within weeks he told me he loved me and that I was what had been ‘missing in his life’ all these years. According to him, I was a breath of fresh air.

I thought he was a bit full-on but reckoned he was just happy to ‘start living again’, as he put it.

However, I began to feel uneasy and overwhelmed because he bombarded me with long texts of undying love and videos of romantic love songs. My gut was telling me things were not right, so I finished it with him. He wouldn’t let up, and eventually I blocked his number.

Three weeks later, I hear he is with another woman whom he is apparently very much ‘in love’ with, and she is also ‘what’s been missing in his life’ all these years.

I feel relieved to have got shot of him so quickly, but I’m baffled as to why men behave like this. I mean, many people never find true love, but he found it twice in a month!

Marion

 


Dear Marion, this man is not in love, he is in yet another rebound relationship.

Because an emotional void needs to be filled and this woman, like you, is doing just that, he will do and say anything to keep it going.

Many men don’t have a social network of support in times of turmoil, so the answer is to quickly move on and try and fill the huge vacuum left by their previous relationship.

Therefore, they quickly seek out a partner to focus their attention on, sexually and emotionally. The deeper the loneliness, the quicker they move on because order must be restored!

No doubt this man could sense you were sussing out his feigned feelings of affection, and the second you slammed the door in his face, he quickly moved on to another supply. Don’t wallow in this brief, unsavoury encounter, just be proud that you followed your instincts and moved on as quickly as you did. 
 


Dear Janice, I moved in with the love of my life and couldn’t be happier. But ... she has discovered TikTok.

With one beady eye on me, and the other on her mobile, I can see her wee finger hesitantly hovering over the app, because we both know that when she clicks on it, our time together is lost.

I am not the needy type, but this habit is beginning to get right on my nerves.
How can I get her to stop?

M

 

Dear M, you need to figure out how to replace the dopamine rush she gets from social media, and as you are in the honeymoon period, it shouldn’t be difficult.

Her habit needs to be broken, so agree set times and if need be, watch it together.

Talk to her, she is likely unaware of how much time she is wasting, and how much it annoys you. Good luck.