Dear Janice, I met a stunning girl recently and we have been on a couple of dates since and have had a brilliant time.
The thing that’s troubling me is that she is 28 years old and has three children by three different dads.
I realise that if our relationship grew I would no doubt meet her children and eventually be part of their lives, but the idea of being a stepdad to three kids overwhelms me.
I know my parents would be horrified, but I do like her and want to see her again.
Am I getting ahead of the game?
I also wonder why her previous relationships never worked out.
I don’t know what’s best for everyone’s sake. Continue to see her or end it? James.
Dear James, you are right to be overwhelmed because being a stepdad to three children is a massive undertaking.
They may have dads who see them regularly which should free up time for their mum to spend with you, but to be honest, the logistics of that working out flawlessly are pretty slim.
Are all three dads going to be available on the same weekend? Ideal if it happens, but if I’m honest, all I can foresee is endless grief.
Mums (and dads) do come as a package with their children and that is how it should be, but blended family life is rarely plain sailing. I’m not questioning this girl’s morals, and she may be a fantastic mother, but three children with different dads when she isn’t even 30 yet poses a few questions.
You’re not getting ahead of the game, just being realistic, but what this really boils down to is the kind of life you see for yourself. A stepdad to three children, (and possibly one of your own), or a simpler life which is thought out, planned, easier on the finances and less pressure.
I’d say it’s a no-brainer.
Dear Janice, my partner of eight months explained to me in a very nice manner that he loves me but needs space for a period of time.
He says his head is not in the right place at the moment and that although we are not breaking up, he needs time to himself.
I don’t know why I am being put on the back burner, but I agreed as I love him and don’t want to be on my own. Jean.
Dear Jean, when someone tells you they need space, believe them, but listen carefully and understand what he is really saying.
Nobody, and I mean nobody, who is madly in love with someone ever needs space. In fact, it’s the opposite. They don’t want to be away from you at all.
Don’t hang on in the background until his head is in the right place, because by then, yours won’t be.
Be brave. Move on and find a loving guy who won’t want to let you out of his sight.
Got a question for our agony aunt? Email askjanice@glasgowtimes.co.uk
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