Dear Janice,

My mother-in-law babysits occasionally and looks after our two small children if our childminder is on holiday, and we really appreciate everything she does.  

However she has been dropping hints about coming with us on our September weekend break and I know it sounds harsh, but we don’t want her there.  

My husband and I work hard all year round and have very little family time, therefore our holiday time is precious.   

I’m aware that since my father-in-law died last year, she has been lonely, but surely, she should be spending time with people her own age? 

We have ignored her hints, but I’ve suggested to my husband that it would be kinder to tell her straight up that she is not coming.  

Am I right to want precious family time? Sarah.  

Dear Sarah, so let me get this right, this bereaved lady is deemed family when it comes to looking after your children for free, yet when it comes to being part of a family break for a few days, she isn’t? 

Considering how much free childcare she provides; you should be treating her to a few days away with you.  

Perhaps you fear she will assume she is part of every future holiday, but I seriously doubt that. She is still grieving the loss of her husband and trying to figure out where her life goes from here, but as you don’t seem to have a compassionate and diplomatic disposition, I doubt you would be the right person to advise her how to adapt her life going forward.   

She should spend time with her peers and plan group holidays, coach trips, days out etc, but she will do so when the time is right.   

In the meantime, treat her well and remember she isn’t on holiday solely to childmind your children.   

Accept the situation and have a lovely time.    

Dear Janice, after six years of marriage and two children, I realise that my husband and I are not on the same page about anything.   

His parenting ideas and mine are poles apart. Whereas I’m fairly strict and have rules and guidelines, he lets them run riot and tells me to chill. We disagree on schooling, their diet, bedtime, screentime and even what they wear!   

It’s never ending, and we are in constant conflict about one thing or another. Help. Angela.   

Dear Angela, the stage prior to marriage or conception is when you discover what each other's values and beliefs are. You two obviously skipped that part!  

Disagreements about religion, politics, child-rearing and the basics of right and wrong can seriously damage relationships because, if our values, beliefs and morals are polar opposite, we need to learn effective communication to be able to come to any sort of compromise.  

Involve a neutral friend who can keep discussions unbiased, as learning more about where our values come from can be a step in the right direction.  

Failing that, a good starting place is parentclub.scot   

Got a question for our agony aunt? Email askjanice@glasgowtimes.co.uk