Dear Janice,

My wife is extremely argumentative. We argue every single day over the most trivial things. She is always right and there is no convincing her otherwise.

I mentioned this to my friend who said he noticed how often she contradicts me, and that him and his wife feel awkward in her company.

I know couples argue, but we are off the scale, and I’ve had enough.

So, what do I do? James.

Dear James,

You could take the wind out of her sails by constantly agreeing with her, but could you be a ‘yes’ man for the rest of your life?

People argue for various reasons. They seek the upper hand to control their relationship, they have lack of empathy, thrive on the attention, or are self-centred for example.

Tell her that others have noticed how quarrelsome and contentious her behaviour is and that she needs to change or seek help.

If she doesn’t change, then your responses have to.

I accept it’s difficult to say nothing when someone starts disagreeing or contradicting you, but you need to do just that.

It takes two people to argue, so perhaps if you stop reacting, she will see it as futile and stop.

Next time, listen, let her vent, stay calm, then walk away.

Go for a short walk or a drive in the car, come home, ask if she wants a cup of tea and carry on as normal.

If she starts up again, do the same thing.  Hopefully, the penny will drop that her antagonistic behaviour gets her nowhere except chasing her husband away and feeling lonely.

Dear Janice,

My partner said she was single for five years before we met, but a short time into our relationship she confessed that she continued to sleep with her ex on and off for years because he was the love of her life.

She also said she still loves him. I adore her but I’m hurt that I’m not, and never will be ‘the one’. Where do I go from here?

Tom.

Dear Tom,

You are in love with a damaged woman who doesn’t recognise the difference between a loving relationship and a dysfunctional one.

Unrequited love is cruel, and closure can be extremely difficult, therefore I can imagine it was emotionally draining and upsetting for her to be intimate for so many years with someone she loved whilst he showed no interest or love in return.

Your partner’s connection with her past is still in her present and this is an issue you need to discuss.

You can’t change her past relationships, and looking ahead is the only way forward, so be brave and ask her to be honest about her feelings towards you because sadly, if there is no real connection for her by now, there never will be and you need to move on.

I hope it works out for you somehow.