Dear Janice,

My mum passed away when I was little, and as I’m an only child I’m left solely to care for my dad, so the thought of him getting old terrifies me.

I’ve got a really stressful job and I hear my colleagues discussing all the stuff they do for their elderly and infirm parents, and it’s almost like they have another full-time job feeding, shopping, cleaning etc for them, never mind doing the personal care things I just know I won’t be able to cope with.

Also, selfishly, I don’t want all my precious spare time taken up as a carer and a cleaner.

I love my dad, and already it feels like a burden looking after him, but the guilt of not fulfilling my daughter duties leaves me in a quandary.

Joan.

Dear Joan,

It’s unsettling listening to your colleague’s lament about the duties they carry out for their elderly parents, but there is no guarantee you will be in the same position.

Watching parents’ health decline is stressful and sad, and there’s no doubt you do need unending patience, and strong resilience when the time comes to care for them, but many will agree that when faced with certain tasks, you somehow find the strength to just get on with it.

For peace of mind, start doing some research into the help your dad would be entitled to should he reach that stage, including the personal care you are dreading.

Chat with him about his finances as he may be in a position to employ people to shop and clean for him too.

Surely, there are aunts and uncles or neighbours who could also spend time with him.

To be brutally honest, either of you could pass away before any of this happens, so for now, make wonderful memories together and deal with these problems if and when they arise.

 

Dear Janice,

My husband wants me to dress up in stockings and high heels every now and then, but I just can’t be bothered.

He says I used to be the sexiest woman on the planet, and I could be again if I made more of an effort.

But why should I?

Liz.

Dear Liz,

Your husband’s mouth is not quite aligned with his brain, although I think there is a compliment in there somewhere!

There are ways to express feelings and desires, but he is clumsily on the wrong track.

Sexual attraction is part of most couples’ relationships, however their expectations need to be mutual.

You did dress up previously, so what has changed?

Perhaps you’ve put on a few pounds, are exhausted, or have just moved on from being the dancing bear!

Communication is key. So be clear and direct when explaining to your husband how you now feel and why you’re dressing-up days are well and truly over.

He may be disappointed but I’m sure you can think of many other ways to make each other happy.

 

Got a question for our agony aunt? Email askjanice@glasgowtimes.co.uk